UGH, Now this week is crazy and it hurts bad

I'm shaking my head at the opening line of my last weeks post. the one i wrote 36 hours ago. Fuck i hate how life can just sweep in and change everything. everything. And why does it keep happening to me. I'm getting really tired of waking up. Seems I'm either on top of the world or in the worst possible situations feeling awefull. I wish this crazy life of mine would just balance out. give me some peace.


when the hour is upon us.
and when our beauty surely gone.
no you will not be forgotten.
and you will not be alone.
no you will not be alone.
- thanks rob t, IL put my faith in that. for it is all i have left to give.

Folsom Street Fair 2006

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I QUIT SMOKING, A letter to my old friend

Dear Marlboro man,

Goodbye my friend. You know I'm not a quit-er, but you just had to go. i was growing old of your awful smell. my teeth are about to jump ship in protest. As for my lungs, well they went on strike years ago. Sorry kid your just not worth it anymore. you still are very very sexy, and i know it will be hard not to put you in my mouth, but i have to. I'm getting to old for your bullshit. It is bitter sweet as you are one of my last imperfections. So FUCK OFF! Go annoy someone else for a change. I will even drop you off at a near by high school if you'd like. I'll keep the fond memories but nothing else please. Please take all your shit with you.

Thanks
L


now where did i put that brownie? HMMM

Burning Man 2006

Whew! What a Trip!
Drama Sex Injuries Art Intoxication

that is if i had to fit my experience into five words. but i don't, hold on its a helluva story.

So every year my best friend and i go camping at an event called Burning Man. we have been going there for over four years now. Burning Man takes place on the Black Rock Desert in northern Nevada. a incredible desolate and remote canvas is the stage to an amazing experience year after year. This year however was much much less peaceful and more dramatic.

This year we decided it would be fun to pull our burner friends together. some of which include a porn star (me), a law student, a crystal addicted former lawyer, and his trick, my roommate's ex-boyfriend, and his crack addicted friend, a DJ, a boring wanna be model, and a few others in between. as well as a group of 30 or so from new zealand who where just using our extra reserved space. So yeah, a big fucking mess. Why on earth did i ever think that a group like that could ever be respectful of one another enough to get through 9 days in one of the most harsh environments in north America. Well we went anyways.

Lets start with the GOOD:
ME: so i decided that i would design and build a shade structure or our group. Brilliant! yes indeed. the structure worked perfectly and even had a few unexpected benefits. See below of my design drawings. I also was supper excited to get a Mohawk. i have wanted to get one for years, and I've always worked into too conservative environment to do it. But this year FUCK-EM. i can get a new damn job with my new fantastic hair.

SEX: ahh god i love sex. i wish it was the only thing i knew how to do. I hooked up with about 5 guys throughout the week. Compared to 9 days in the default world that would be a slow week. But it was great. Sex is so much more amazing out there. One guy in particular was a lot of fun to be with. Michael came with his friend steve from Portland. When they arrived and he stepped out of the car i knew i was in trouble. it was my understanding that this boy he brought was for him. All i could think about at that time was how i was going to have to try and keep my horny hands off of him. He is supper hot. Here is a few pics i stole from his myspace. YUMM LICK!



















Although extraordinary hot and our sexual energy was on fire, i sure am glad that's all over with. we was a bit of a party boy, and me wanting nothing to do with party drugs anymore, it got a little frustrating. i absolutely hate it when i see a beautiful guy that is way too cracked out. Pisses me off to no end. Well we had our fun a few times. in-fact the first time we hooked up, we went all the way out to the perimeter fence mid afternoon. and that ended up being the first time he has hooked up outdoors. So of course i made sure the next time we were outside again. Yup right there laying on the hammock. HOT! HOT! HOT! god damn. So as the week comes to a close. "Apparently" as i heard second hand. Steve the guy who brought him flipped out in front of everyone, pissed off that he was spending all his time with me and not him. UGH! whatever.
Other sex encounters included a aged Dom guy. a hot burner boy, and i don't really remember what the other guys where all about.

ART: the art this year was amazing. my favorite has to be the Belgian waffle and the flaming lotus girls.

INTOXICATION: wow, so i remember most nights, not all of them. since all i have left to party with these days is a little booze, whip its, and pot i certainly took them to the extreme while there. I am quite proud of myself though. i was offered countless times many various substances and i still was good. huh i guess that phase in my life really is over.

BAD:

INJURIES: Well with 5 of our camp-mates getting injured, it sure was a lot of fun. Wow from a girl falling off our bike ramp and scaring her face and breast, to severe arm injuries, to a tweak-er running into a coat rack and nearly taking out his eye. Our camp was full of injuries. we even had a white board up listing all of our camp injuries and at the bottom: "5 hours since last injury". i even had a bit of a scare when i ate some pancakes tainted with oranges, as i am hyper allergic to oranges. As well as a severe tooth ace. So yes we had a lot of trips to the medical tent.

DRAMA: I am an idiot. yes i am. i knew when i was leaving for our trip that it was going to be a big mess, and I still went. Prior to the trip our group basically took sides in a huge battle over respect for our camp mates. and it just escalated on the playa. although most everyone else's drama quited down significantly, mine went through the roof. As previously mentioned i apparently stole this guys trick. I also had an awe full run-in at the sex club Jiffy Lube. this guy started calling me a racist and asshole because i would not let him suck my dick. He was annoying, why on earth would i encourage him to be around me. so i was a dick when he kept trying to talk to me while we where in the sex club. which if you have never been, is very bad sex club edicate. So he starts a yellin. ugh. in the end i told him to fuck off that i have probably had sex with more black guys than the number of times he has touched his own dick. None the less he still with all his ranting and yelling was unable to keep me from hooking up with someone. FUCK OFF DUMBASS! Yet there is more. Jason the ex-boyfriend of my roommate (female). What a fucking selfish son of a bitch. I know i am very narcissistic and self centered but this guy blew me out of the fucking water. wow! i have never experienced someone so selfish. So of course we went to blows, and one time almost physically. I'm not one to physically fight someone, but he sure did get me stirring.

I'm sure that after i decompress the negative memories will fade faster than the good ones.

Overall it was certainly another life changing experience. although isn't everything life changing.

Here are a few more pics

Dore Alley and more

Fanfuckingtastic!

So I arranged to have that hot boy Alex cross to stay with me in SF when Dore Alley street fair was happening. We have literally been fucking three times a day. so not me, not the 3 a day but with the same person? WOW! I'm shocked too. its been a lot of fun. I have really enjoyed hanging out with him, maybe a little to much. Alex im sure had a great time. Although im sure it is indeed just porn love it sure has been exciting. I am doubtful that anything else will develop from it besides the occasional "when-ever your in town" deal. Looking at my blog it sure has been a great year of hot boys. One right after another. Who is next?

Dore Alley was a lot of fun, mostly just because watching Alex see all this caous for the first time was really refreshing. I keep saying I'm not jaded, but god damn I forgot what it was to have experiences like that. Am I getting bored? Is it time to move to another city? Am I ready for NYC? Some of the thousands of questions I'm asking myself.

Am I just getting bored? Hard to imagine, but yes I get very bored. very bored. Things that would seem absolutely unbelievable to someone else is quite normal and boring for me now. HHMMM what or whom will be my next form of entertainment.





UPDATE: OK so the "when your in the city lets fuck" turned out to be one of my top sexual experiences. Alex is so fucking hot, still! i don't know what the fuck is up, but god damn i love having sex with that guy. When I'm not with him, I'm fine. when i am with him i cant think about not being with him. our sexual chemistry is threw the roof.

I had sex with a 460lb man

Yes the headline is true. I consider myself to be a very sexually free person. I'm not however one to say "IL try at least everything once" THAT'S NOT ME. However I was approached by this guy who started to tell me his story about being fat and his sexual lifestyle that makes him fat. Myself being a person who is fascinated by how vast and complex people's sexual desires are, decided why not. The fetish is called "feeder-ism". Id like to think of myself as in expert in sex, so I was clueless about this fetish, so whats a little study session hurt. After all KRON 4 news did call me "very sexually liberated".

HERE is how he described how it works: in my own words

There are Gainers and Feeders. The gainers are people who have discovered, like someone coming to terms with there homosexuality, that they get sexual, and emotional pleasures from being extremely overweight and getting encouraged by "feeders". Feeders are people who are typically very skinny and enjoy, or at least participate in the encouraging the gainer to gain more weight. Gainers can never get big enough.

During the sexual experience a gainer loves to be humiliated about their weight by the feeder and constantly told that they are fat, and various derogatory comments about the fat. They love to have there rolls played with more than there dick. The really pleasure for them is the emotional state as well that the pushing, grabbing, and touching of large fat rolls. The gentlemen I hooked up with has a waist of 68 inches mine is a mere 32 inches. WOW He was huge. Although my experience with it did not involve actual food during it, I could certainly see how it would play in. He did really enjoy my dick sliding between his rolls, WOW that was gross.

I know most of you are disgusted by this, Myself, I was fascinated. He really really really enjoyed me telling him awful things and loved me pushing on his giant stomach with my cock. Although IM sure that was something I will probably not do again, for my own personal ethical reasons, it was fascinating. To hear this guy talk about coming to terms about being a gainer in the same way the average gay person would describe coming to terms with there own homosexuality. He also shared his desire and pitfalls to living this lifestyle. This was not some slob of a guy. He is very wealthy, he has an amazing house in SF and I'm sure is very well respected in his field of work, what ever that may be.

I also found some links on the subject encase your interest is peeked and you need a great dinner conversation piece.

http://www.frappr.com/gainers
http://www.gordos.org/30english/20spanish/12listados/7feeders.html
http://www.fatnats.net/

*pic is not of the guy i hooked up with

1 Year after the FIRE that dystroyed my house

sad day, 1 year. here is the article from that day.
My Address was 3330 16th Street. The Grey one on the left.



SAN FRANCISCO 5-alarm fire leaves 66 people homeless Several apartment buildings damaged in 16th Street blaze
Chuck Squatriglia, Steve Rubenstein, Chronicle Staff Writers
Saturday, July 9, 2005

Residents of four San Francisco apartment buildings damaged by a five-alarm fire across from Mission Dolores hunkered down in temporary shelters Friday as firefighters mopped up what authorities called the worst blaze the city has seen since 2002.
Six residents were treated for minor smoke inhalation from the blaze, which erupted about 2:35 a.m. and left 66 people homeless. The wind-whipped fire started on the second floor of 3330 16th St., then it spread to other floors and adjacent buildings, fire Capt. Pete Howes said.
The fire caused about $8.6 million in damage to property and possessions, Howes said, adding that the roof of a fifth building was also damaged.
Some 120 firefighters responded from as far away as the Sunset District. The first firefighters to arrive quickly summoned additional help, and the fifth alarm was sounded about 3:10 a.m.
Residents of the buildings awoke to the sound of smoke alarms and a raging fire.
"It was a wall of black smoke," said Chris Beahn, 34, who lives on the top floor of 3334 16th St., one of the damaged buildings. "After I opened the front door, I couldn't see a foot in front of me, so I closed the door."
Beahn put on his shoes and jacket before grabbing his bag, rushing to the back door and scrambling to the roof. From there, he dashed to the rooftop of an adjacent building, where a firefighter led him down a ladder.
Paul Camarillo and his partner, Vincent Escareno, both 40, were asleep in their ground-floor apartment at 3320 16th St. when Camarillo awoke to a thundering sound.
"I knew there was a fire," he said. "I heard screaming. I looked out the back window and saw embers raining down from the sky."
They grabbed their year-old Maltese dogs, Tictac and Chicklet, and a couple of Escareno's paintings before running for the door.
"I saw a ball of flame out the back window," Escareno said.
As they rushed out, firefighters rushed in, ordering residents to evacuate. Firefighters rescued two women and two children from the third floor of 3320 16th St. as the wind pushed the flames across the building's flat tar roof.
"It went very quickly," Howes said. "The wind conditions there are really crazy."
Mission Dolores and its basilica, and neighboring Congregation Sha'ar Zahav synagogue, were not damaged because the wind blew the flames away from the buildings.
The Red Cross is housing 17 people chased from the buildings.
In addition to people, firefighters rescued a number of pets from the fire.
"I can't even count them," Howes said. "There were firefighters walking out with cats, rabbits, dogs."
One of the rabbits, a brown-and-white bunny named Conor, belongs to resident Ashley Lincoln, who had been forced to flee the blaze without him. She pleaded for firefighters to go back inside and rescue the rabbit.
A firefighter went inside the smoky apartment, found Conor munching rabbit food from his bowl and carried him to safety.
Some of the rescued animals were being housed at the city's Animal Care and Control shelter.
Investigators will spend days sifting through debris to determine where and how the fire started, Howes said.
Authorities said the fire was the largest in San Francisco since the 2002 Cannery fire near Fisherman's Wharf. That five-alarm fire started in the historic Haslett Warehouse and caused millions of dollars in damage.

Burning man Shade

Ahhh nice breeze, sun blaring, cold beer...ahhh Burning Man, my favorite place in the whole world. This year my camp and a few others are joining forces to create "Dusty Lady" a theme camp. I'm in charge of the shade structure. Here is my first sketch of it.

www.burningman.com

4th of July

After my crazy 3 week run, i wasn't really in the mood. so at about 9pm i went walking through my neighborhood. tons of people were lighting fireworks in the street. the air reeked of gun powder. I LOVE THAT. I made it to the top of Dolores Park just in time for the start of the SF City fireworks in the skyline. People in the parks were also blowing the place up. it was a lot of fun. then to the Castro for a drink and that's it. CHILL>

San Diego Trip 6 Days

So I went to San Diego to film Eon Film's The Dicks Of Hazard.

Oh the stories I have. So arrive in San Diego two hours late. Mind you I got up at 430 am to catch my obscene flight. Get there and we immediately start filming. Well kind of. We drive two hours to this unimpressive dirt road. We film there all day. 1 scene, supposed to film 2 or 3, this is the story throughout the week. It took all day because a model could not keep a hard on and had to have is boyfriend there while he was filming. SO FUCKING ANNOYING. Back at the Dirt road, we get locals yelling "fagot" at us. Gorilla filming is the worst. Most of the production takes place out side. 3 hours behind schedule on every little thing and never completing the days tasks.
The producer has me staying at his house instead of a hotel. Which would have been fine with me. Had the house been habitable. In the end I stay there. I end up having to buy my own bed sheets, the bed was disgusting. As well as toilet paper, food, water, condoms. Just about everything a good film company usually takes care of. But this was not a normal shoot by any means.
That night I return to find a cat sitting on my bed next to where it just shit. IM not surprised being that the cat box in the house for three cats looks like it hasn't been cleaned in weeks. Because I am such a clean freak and borderline OCD, I spent most of the week riddled with anxiety. I had to smoke pot constantly just to keep fro attacking someone.
Enough with the gory details of a bad production. On to the good.
There is a phenomenon called Porn Love, I will explain this in a later post called "On set, what its like" its currently a draft right now.
So I meet Alex Cross, another model. WOW. Those of you that know me, know that I almost never have sex with the same person twice. This was not the case with Alex. HOT HOT HOT. I am not big on sucking cock, but I could not get enough of his. It felt so good in my mouth . We ended up hooking up about 6 times. Yes he is that hot. Just my type. Former Military, Short, six pack, big dick, straight acting, pot smoking, morning beer drinker, and just plain hot. Not to mention very cool and chill. Alex is the only reason I stayed in San Diego through the worst production ever. Had Alex not been there I would have left on the second day. Alex and I are now planning open seeing each other again. He is even considering going to Burning Man with me. I don't think it will get serious though. Although I am not just chopping this up as "porn love" I am not ruling it out. It is a very powerful thing. But I still think about him daily. I also play a song that engulfs me with memories of the good times. To Alex: "Thank you so much, you are a really great guy and I am more than excited to see you again and to help you along on your porn career. I absolutely have to have you at least one more time."

Throughout the week I experience probably the most drama I have ever encountered. Between working with a ton of rookies, very fem queens, and the producer not having any organizational or hospitality skills. It has even taken me several days to cool down enough to write this. Nothing went right, NOTHING. Not even being paid went right.

The biggest rule when having people work for you is paying them on time. Workers/ Models should never have to worry about being paid or receiving a bad check. NEVER Oh yes it happened. The last day I was there a model Brent Summers, threw a 5 hour temper tantrum. I have never seen a model act so unprofessional, but then again I have never seen a producer act that unprofessional either. Brent is also the one who by mistake hit me in the head with a baseball bat while filming. OUCH my head hurt for three days after that.

Oh yes it gets worse. After returning home, the checks I received for my model fees BOUNCED. You have got to be fucking kidding me. I will end my remarks about Eon Films, at this time, by saying "I am very disappointed in the production conducted by Eon Films, I have never, as a model, been treated so poorly."

To the other people who made the trip bearable: Reba (you are awesome I hope to run into you in the future) Tyler mason (you are really cute, I am disappointed I didn't get to hook up with you, maybe another time.) jayden, Mario, Kyle Aimes, Ashton, Larry, Tom, Caleb, Adam Faust, Kyle Kensington ( you guys were a lot of fun, and I really enjoyed spending time with you. Let me know if you guys need any help finding more work.) Also props out to the guys at Price Video in Vegas and Q radio, (You guys are so funny. I cant wait to see you again in January.)

I'm sure the finished product of The Dicks of Hazard will be amazing, i just wish the filming of it was.

UPDATE: Here is the response to my blog from the Producer of Eon Films. I think he sums it all up.

RE: New Blog: Filming of The Dicks of Hazard in San Diego

BEGIN QUOTE
"Were you or were you not paid. In full. With bounced check fees. It would be nice if that was reflected. I was unaware you bought your own bed sheets. I had plenty on hand, if you needed them. However, you never asked for them. And I DID replace your bedspread when the cat used it for a litter box. And your bedsheets were fresh out of the wash the day you came to the room. I don't mind the blog at all. It is accurate and not really all that horrible. I just wish that you would include the fact that a lot of the bad situations you described were rectified. Rocky"

END QUOTE

Oh yes rocky you did make it all better. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!

Eon Films www.eonfilms.com
Alex Cross http://www.myspace.com/drucifer85
Tyler Mason www.tylermasonlive.com
Reba Rose Rau http://www.myspace.com/rebaroserau
Jayden Holloway http://www.myspace.com/deadoll84
Kyle Aames http://www.myspace.com/kyleaames
Caleb Carter http://www.myspace.com/cartersmonster
Ashton Ryan http://www.myspace.com/pornstarashtonryan
Q Radio http://www.qvegas.com/qradio.htm

Marc Sterling on the RADIO!!!

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Filming of The Dicks of Hazard in San Diego with EON Films

Well after a busy two weeks, I'm now off to San Diego for the filming of The Dicks of Hazard. The film is from Eon Films. I am playing the part of ROSCOE P. COCKTRAIN the sheriff. HOT. The owner of the studio, Rocky, and I, originally when I got casted had a little phone thing going on. I haven't really talked to him in a few months since then. Today however by looking at his profile pics, it looks like he has a boyfriend now. HOT. So I guess no extracurricular activities with the owner while I'm there :(. I thought that was going to be really hot. Oh well, his boyfriend is really cute. I am also getting word of a radio appearance I am doing while I'm there, Saturday I believe. As soon as I get all the details I will be sure to pass those along. I am really excited about this film. Its my first parody. Its kind of silly, but from the stuff I have seen and herd about they are going to be doing an amazing job with the set and script. Look for updates in the coming months as it exits post production.



www.eonfilms.com

SF Gay Pride Day 3~ Sunday

One of the best Prides I have been to in a long time.

The day started with supper strong Bloody Marys. My roommate and I were both in the parade. she was in the city attorney's contingent. I was with Juanita More and Svedka Vodka. HOT HOT HOT. i stayed on the front of the float almost the entire time. Dancing like crazy. We looked so hot. It was so much fun. Thank you Juanita!

After the Parade we headed over the the fag Fridays dance stage. where myself and all of the MOREboys did a performance with Juanita More. Thank you Juanita! the rest of the day was spent drinking bad margaritas and cruising.

Following the pride celebration we went up the street to Bambuddha Lounge. There was the most amazing pool party hosted by Juanita More for TARC Tenderloin Aids Resource Center. The best party I have been to all year. This one boy got very annoying though. he was pissed that i turned him down for a date, saying "Ive never been turned down before" He spent his whole time there stalking me. Back to me the pool turned into quite the scene. I jumbled in naked with about 6 other hot boys. the place was packed and only six of us in the pool all naked and playing around. That's when i met John. A hot boy with a bit of a European look with a bandanna around his neck. This party was so much fun. Look for Marc Sterling and The XXX Life to have one of those pool side rooms next year. HOT! Thank you Juanita! at this party i saw a few cool peeps i haven't seen in a while. including Foxxy, Suppositori Spelling, Shutterslut and others.

After nearly having sex in the pool, John wasn't to drive me on his motorcycle to the Mike on Bikes party. He says there is a place there that we can have sex. I am clueless about this party. I really want to go to a sex party. My roommate and i leave quietly. Eat Dinner at Yum Yum House. My favorite 17th and Valencia. From there i walked to the Mike on Bikes Party. "the Faerie House".

Walking up John on this motorcycle is just pulling up. HOT. we both know that it is so on! We enter through the basement. Clothes check and towels. PERFECT ITS A SEX PARTY. HOT HOT HOT. the house is packed. hot boys everywhere sucking and fucking and playing in the jacuzzi. John and i hook up. I will just leave it at that. WE FUCKED! It was the kind of sex fantasies are made of. Soon after that not wanting to spoil my perfect day with trying to find another perfect hot boy to sink my dick in, i leave. Walk home again, another half hour. With yes another joint.

PERFECT DAY.

John: i want to fuck you again. there i said it. i know i almost never say those little words, but i want to.

www.juanitamore.com
www.sfpride.com
www.tarcsf.org
www.bambuddhalounge.com